Yes, it's hard to believe, I know. I've been a professional writer for more than 15 years, and yet, yesterday, I had my public reading cherry popped. I had never gotten up in front of people to read my own stories before.

It was as magical as a girl could hope. There was romance, music, lots of love and even a little kink. I couldn't have chosen a better venue to do it.

And my lover -- the audience -- was gentle, forgiving and promised me they'd enjoyed it once it was all over.

Feeling done with the sex analogy? Me too. Seriously, though, it was an amazing couple of hours.

It began with a concert by S.J. Tucker and her lovely accompanists, all dressed in their mythpunk finest. This was the first time I'd seen S.J. (also known as sOOj) perform in person. She's 1000x more magical in person, if you can imagine that.

PHOTO RIGHT: Catherynne M. Valente (writer), S.J. (singer/songwriter), Betsy Tinney (cellist), and Michelle Dockrey (harmony)

PHOTO LEFT: S.J. and Catherynne M. Valente, collaborating

Between songs, authors read from their work. I was deeply impressed by the beautiful way the music was interwoven with the readings. S.J. has a creative partnership with an impressive writer named Catherynne M. Valente (known as Cat among her friends, of which I'm not yet one -- hopefully someday). It was fascinating to hear the story of how they began their collaboration and to ponder the idea of having two such talented women weaving story and music together to create something altogether extra-dimensional.



Cathrynne read from her recently released novel, Palimpsest, which is a mythpunk fantasy. I was blown away by her prose and the images it evokes. She chooses her words with precision, such that each one evokes a different time and place, and brings the grandeur of her novel's setting into clear focus. There's an enormity to her writing that takes you out of mundane reality and plants you squarely at the feet of gods.

She herself is an impressive presence in the room, full of poise and dignity. Not to mention, she's just plain beautiful.

The Ravens in the Library portion of the program also included intervals of sOOj music between readings.

A brilliant young man (so sorry I didn't catch his name) read an excerpt from Neil Gaiman's story first. He did an impressive job. I would LOVE to have him do Wily readings, but I don't think he lives in Seattle. I believe he travels with S.J. Anyway...

The second reader was Catherynne M. Valente again, this time reading an excerpt from the short story she had included in the anthology. More beautiful prose....

The third reader was me. And, at this point in my story, I need to back up a bit to the moment when I first walked into the Grand Ballroom.

Did I mention that this reading took place in the Grand Ballroom? It took place in the (let me say it again) Grand Ballroom, in front of 100 people or so. That may not sound like much to you, but to me, when I walked in and saw all those people, I got an adrenaline rush the likes of which I haven't had in years. My heart started fluttering. After the adrenaline, came the emotion. Sandi (Sandra Buskirk, a co-editor of the anthology) was there to greet me and tell me I looked awesome (which I did, btw, but only because I'd obsessed on what to wear for a full 24 hours).

TRIVIA SIDEBAR: I had dressed in the bathroom at work.

Hotwired on adrenaline, Sandi being sweet to me, I was on the verge of tears. Thank God, I wasn't the first to read. I had an hour and a half, if not longer to let my systems (physical, mental and emotional) settle down a bit. I'm so glad I'm not one of those people that pukes when they're nervous, though I'm not sure crying is any better. LOL.

I sat with my new friend, Jaymi Elford (she has the greatest name!), a talented writer who oozes niceness and attracted me like a bee to a flower. She also has a story in the anthology. She had driven up to Seattle for the day, even though she wasn't reading. I was so glad she was there. She helped me chill out by repeatedly telling me, "You'll do great."

So many things went through my head. I knew how important this reading was and how horrible it would be if I botched it. Not only was it important to me that I impress the audience, but I would be standing there, on stage, with S.J. Tucker and her family of musicians, and I'd be representing the whole Ravens in the Library project, not just myself.

As I sat there, waiting for my turn, I looked around the audience, at their kind, friendly faces, in the hope that would steady my nerves. It helped a bit. I breathed. I actively relaxed my shoulders, arms and hands.

And then, it was my turn. I didn't trip on the way to the microphone. I managed to smile at the audience and confess, "This is my first public reading." Someone shouted, "It's okay. We'll still clap for you." That made everyone laugh, me included, which helped.

I dove into the reading, and my breath caught. I had to pause to get my breathing back under control. It felt like I was wearing a corset, too tight, and visions of swooning couches danced in my head. But, I breathed, and I didn't swoon.

My knees were knocking. I'm sure I was shaking the entire stage. I didn't look, but the musicians were probably hanging on for dear life as the stage quaked beneath them.

I focused on the words and on my characters, my beloved Pipsqueak and her pixies. They took me by the hand and carried me along, and before I knew it, we'd safely reached the end of the excerpt.

I delivered the last line with just a touch of drama.

And everyone laughed.

Then, everyone clapped.

Wow. The laughter is rewarding to a writer when delivered, as it was, at just the right moment. That can't be faked.

The applause could be faked, but I choose to believe it wasn't.

I've never experienced anything like it.

I left the stage with dignity, I hope, though I wanted to hug everyone I passed. I did hug Sandi, bending to hug her in her seat with my back to the audience--giving them a big booty shot. Probably not the best idea, but whatever!

After my story, S.J. and friends played a song about pixies, which pleased me to no end.

Sandi gave the last reading, offering up an excerpt from Phil Brucato's contribution to the anthology. She was beautiful and wonderful, delivering the emotional prose with just the right amount of dramatic emphasis. Lovely.

I survived my first public reading.

I was exhausted by the time I got home. Mostly emotionally and mentally. I went to bed early and slept for 11 hours. Apparently, my subconscious had much to filter.