Writertopia

The first draft is officially done. Holy shit!

RULES OF MARRIAGE - as described by kids

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF 2 PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
-- Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8

7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )

8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is ...........

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky , age 10

Writertopia

I'm in the midst of the final chapter now. Loose ends are tied and now I'm just putting on the pretty red bow. I'll have the first draft done by the end of the weekend.

PSO PSYCHED!
:)

I'm all SQUEE this morning! I sold my Southern horror story "Oral Tradition" to Pseudopod.

Writertopia

I've finally hit the scene where it all begins to come together. This is a scene I conceived ages ago, back when I started the novel. I've waited so long to get to the point of writing it! Woo!

From here, it's all about tying up loose ends. One more chapter to go.

Writertopia

I love it when the words flow. This morning, they did. :D And, a subplot opened up at my feet.

Writertopia

I made it past the 70k mark, despite the best efforts of some very rambunctious cats who would rather I play with them.

I set my first draft goal at 80k, though I believe the final product will be closer to 90k. In my experience, I'm the kind of writer who needs to add to the story in later drafts, not cull it.

Now I'm off to read some of the submission for the Wily Writer's February theme: paranormal romance. That outta cleanse my palate.

Writertopia

I managed to put an hour into the novel this morning. I'm tying up loose ends now. There's still the big climax to build up to and write.

I'm focusing on the question: "What is insanity?" Most of my characters are patients or psychiatrists in a long-term care facility for people with mental illness. It's not hard to imagine what it would be like to have a mental illness, not for me.

The older I get, the more I believe we all have a little mental illness in us. Whether that's a phobia, depression, emotional dysfunction related to childhood experiences, or delusions of grandeur, we all have something in some degree.

It's fascinating when you think about it like that. Most of us are functional. We get by in life and manage to pull off seeming relatively sane. In my research, I've learned that that's the trick. If you can hide your mental illness from others, then you can join society. It's those who can't hide it who find themselves ostracized.

Here's what I'm learning as a result of writing this book:

We're all a little crazy. Some of us just hide it better than others.

Well, I didn't make my self-imposed deadline of finishing the first draft by the end of 2009, and that's frustrating.

Novels are huge. The thought of putting 80-100 thousand words down in logical succession is daunting, at best.

I keep finding things that have to happen. Like the little demon spying on my character, and the prelude to a romance. Some people say their characters take over the story for them. Mine are stalling.

I need to set a new goal. I have about 20k more words to put into this book and 13 more days in the month. I'm wondering whether I can pull off 1,500 words a day. It's a lot. A whole lot, especially since I'm working a full-time job too.

At the end of March, I'm going to Brighton, England, for the World Horror Convention. It's an excellent opportunity to pitch the novel to agents. It would help if I had at least three super-polished chapters by the time I go, so I can send them off to agents who are interested when I get home.

I'm talking myself out of panicking. I actually have almost 2 months to finish and polish the first few chapters. That's not so bad.

Okay, cheer me on. I'm down to the wire. I'm the little writer that could.

Writertopia

The novel has consumed me over the holiday break. I had a whole week to work on it with relatively few distractions.

Although I didn't finish the first draft, as I'd wanted to, I did go through from the beginning and change the voice one last time. Finding the voice for this novel has been a beeyatch, but I've finally found the right one. It's a risk, but I've landed on first person present. I know, I know. Lots of people poo-poo FPP, but that's what this particular novel is calling for. I have to listen.

And I'm liking the way it's turning out.

I also added 15k words over break, so I'm very near my 60k first draft goal. I have less than a handful of chapters left to the end. If I'm very, very good, I'll be able to finish the first draft by the end of the week. @whee!

While You Were Sleeping, the romantic comedy with Sandra Bullock and Bill Pullman. THE cutest Christmas romance EVah!

I love Rob Breszny's horoscopes. Mine for this week is particularly poignant, as I've been thinking a lot about how I haven't been taking very good care of my body. I've been nourishing and soothing my soul, but that's different. Ice cream: good for the soul, bad for the body.

So, one of my resolutions for my new year (as of my recent birthday) is to take better care of my body.

Here's today's Rob horoscope that fits so brilliantly:

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): I hope you will get more sleep in 2010.
And eat better food, too. And embark on some regimen like meditation
that will reduce your stress levels. In general, Sagittarius, I hope you will
learn a lot more about what makes your body function at optimum levels,
and I hope you will diligently apply what you learn. That doesn't mean I
think you should be an obsequiously well-behaved pillar of the community.
On the contrary, what I'm envisioning is that by taking better care of
yourself you will make yourself strong enough to run wilder and freer.

Having a short story in this anthology fulfills a goal of mine for the year. I told myself I'd publish six short stories in 2009, one every two months on average. I've been writing hard to make this happen!

If you're looking for a book of holiday superhero fun, this is your best bet. It has stories both funny and serious.

The editor, Nathan Crowder is the author of several novels that take place in a crazy metropolis called Cobalt City where superheroes and supervillains run rampant. The main crime-fighting unit is called the Protectorate, but other groups exist as well, less savory ones.

I love Nathan's writing, and this world really tweaked my imagination, so when he said he was doing an anthology for the holidays, I wanted to try my hand at writing a story for it.

The combination of the holidays and superheroes turned out to be ripe with creative potential. I immediately decided to create a new hero, named Nutcracker. He's a foul-mouthed, bad-tempered asshole with big teeth, who is mourning his true love, the late superhero Ballerina.

The book is available for purchase now! It would make a great stocking stuffer for the superhero fans in your life.

I'm a total dork, and you get to witness it. I have to save this image for posterity. It's a screenshot from Amazon.com.

I was looking at a Michael Oliveri book, and there in the right column, was my name alongside authors I admire. Dang. I'm having one of those moments.

Dork moments. LOL.

At first, I was like, "Oh look! There's my name!" And then, I was like, "Oh. There's Joe Hill. And Tom Piccirilli. And Cody Goodfellow. And Brian Keene. And Tim Curran. And... well, you get my point!

I'm like the slow kid who somehow ended up on the bus with the cool kids. Maybe if I sit really really still, they won't notice that I'm not one of them.

Pssst. I'm the 4th one down on the right side of the bus.

Hee. I tried this with several of the kittens, and they did it! Not all as perfectly as this kitten does, but they did it.

Original Youtube video









And here's Minuit doing it, though a bit less elegantly because I had to hold the camera with one of my hands!

It’s nearing time for the kittens to go to their families, and I wanted to put together a tips article for getting along great with your kitten. This is a work-in-progress, and I welcome all your thoughts on what else should be included. :)

• Isolation: Give the kitten his own room for a few days, at least, when he first arrives. Preferably, the room you're most likely to be in as well. A smaller space will make the kitten feel safer. Open his new world to him gradually as he seems comfortable with it. You'll be able to tell.
  
  If there’s another cat in the house, isolate them from each other at first. Let them smell each other under doors. This means you’ll want a separate litter box for your kitten at first. A disposable aluminum baking dish works nicely for that.
  
  
• Hazards!: Look around for anything that might be dangerous to them. They’re climbing and crawling under whatever they can find. They so curious! You’ll be amazed where they can get and what they’ll knock over onto themselves and onto the floor. Hehe. Block off access to the back of the fridge, washer/dryer, etc. until they're big enough that they won't fit.
  
  
• Electrical Cords: They’re at the age where they’re chewing cords, electrical cords. The best way to stop them from doing this (other than removing the cords from their reach) is to put a little hot sauce (Tapatio or tabasco works best for me) on the cord, especially if you catch them chewing it. Just smear a little hot sauce on there (not thickly, just thinly). They will be turned off by the smell, and if they do try to bite again, they’ll hate the taste. The hot sauce is far less dangerous to them than being electrocuted. (Some sauces may stain carpets or curtains, etc., so be aware of that.)
  
  
• Discipline: Mr. Squirt Bottle is your friend! If a kitty is doing something you don’t want him to do, squirt him with a water pistol or water bottle. They hate that. It’s a great way to discipline without violence.
  
  
• Furniture Scratching: If you have furniture you don’t want them to claw, buy some cat trees and scratching boards. In the early days, when you first begin to see this behavior, it’s a good idea to show them how it’s done. Pretend you’re a kitty and scratch in the right place. They learn by imitating. Also, if you put tin foil on the ends of your couches and armchairs, they won’t learn to scratch there. If all else fails, remember Mr. Squirt Bottle.
  
  
• Ow! Ow!: The kitties are climbing, biting and scratching everything. They love toes. They’re learning how to play without hurting, but they do have to learn it. The best way to teach them is to cry out sharply if they hurt you. Make a high-pitched squeak like a cat would when hurt. They know what this means, and they don’t want to hurt you. They’ll learn how far they can go and eventually, they’ll be gentle when playing with you.
  
  In the meantime, you may want to wear long pants around them for awhile. Jeans are best. They still think people are trees. If they climb you, just cry out and gently help them back to the floor.
  
  Go right now and buy some first aid cream or triple antibiotic ointment. Cat scratches, while not deep, can take longer to heal because those kitty claws are not the most sanitary things in your home. :)
  
  
• Disentangling: The kitties don’t have a lot of control over their claws yet, so be careful when disengaging the claws from fabric. Don’t assume they can easily do it themselves. Don’t pull outward, push the paw upward so the claws come free in the direction they curve.
  
  
• Toys!: Indoor kitties especially need lots of play time. If you provide them with lots of toys, they’ll stay occupied and happy. My kitties LOVE a particular mouse toy that I get from Mud Bay. We call it Sassy Mouse in our household. It’s a fuzzy gray mouse on a wire, attached to a rod. Every kitty I’ve known has loved this toy and never tires of it. I go through them and have to keep buying them. I buy two or three at a time. It's called "Cat Catcher," by Go Cat. You can order them on Amazon, so consider buying one next time you're trying to get your total up to the free shipping limit.
  
  
• Cat Trees: If you can, get a cat tree for your kitties. They love to climb, and the cat tree gives them a place to scratch that isn’t your furniture. I have both hip-height and 6’ tall ones in my house. If you can put one next to a window, even better. Kitties love “Kitty TV.” They watch the birds and squirrels outside, and it entertains them for hours. It’s more important that a cat tree be well-designed and stable than attractive. Give it a shake to make sure it won’t tip over.
  
  • Kitties LOVE this U-shaped type of perch. They sleep on it and it cradles them.
    
    
  • Look closely at the layout of a tree. I bought one that the kitties couldn’t use because two of the layers were directly on top of each other. Kitties can’t jump down that way. They need things to be stepped.
  
  
• Litterbox: Best litterbox is one with a lid. This keeps the kitties from kicking the litter all over the floor surrounding the box. I have this one. Kitties like the privacy too.
  
  • The kitties have been using the box, but make sure they can get in and out of the one you have for them. They’re also not used to a lid, since their boxes haven’t had them. You may need to start them out with the lid off, then put on the lid once they’re using it regularly.
    
    
  • Rug: Even with the lid, your kitty will track litter outside the box, so it’s a good idea to put a plush rug (like a fuzzy bathroom rug) in front of the litter box. Choose one that you can toss in the washer.
  
  
• Scoopable litter: Highly recommended. The fastest way to make your cat start peeing on your dirty laundry is to leave their box dirty. I scoop every day with one cat. It takes 30 seconds. With all those kittens, I scoop twice a day. The cat would much rather go potty in a clean litter box than on your clothes or shoes or backpack. Just think about how much you would like having to walk around in your own poo/pee to go to the bathroom, and you'll get a feeling for how your cat feels. Seriously.
  
  Every night before bed, I scoop into a small bag-lined garbage can, like a bathroom can. I use plastic grocery bags to line the can. I may scoop two or three days worth into the can before taking it out to the outdoor garbage can. It's better to leave the dirty stuff in a garbage can inside than in the litter box itself, if you just don't have time to take it out to the curb.
  
  I also sprinkle baking soda into the garbage can. It's a base, and the pee is acidic. It helps eliminate the smell for a short while.
  
  Make scooping a habit. Your cat and your dirty laundry will thank you.
  
  
• Feeding: I have been feeding the kitties Pet Promise cat/kitten food. It’s expensive, but worth it if you can afford it. Not all stores carry it. Greenwood Market at 85th and 3rd NW does. You may want to get it for a short while and transition into whatever you prefer to feed them. Sudden changes in diet can cause diarrhea and other problems.
  
  • Portions: I get both the hard food and the soft in the can. I give each kitten about a quarter of a can of soft food in the morning, and fill their bowl with hard food so they have something to nibble on all day long. Kitties will self-regulate their intake so long as there’s always food there for them.
    
    
  • I then give them another quarter can of the soft food when I get home at night and I make sure they have a full bowl of hard food. Especially when they’re young, they use lots of energy, so they need lots of calories to keep them going.
  
  
• C'mere, Kitty!: I’ve been training them that when I make the “kittykittykittykitty” call, it’s time to eat yummy soft food. It’s a really good idea to keep up this training, even if you change your call to something different. You may need to call your kitty to you one day for their safety, and you want them to actually come. Be sure to reward them with something yummy whenever they come when called.
  
  
• Water Challenges: The kitties were tipping over the bowl of water I set out for them, so I have started putting their water in a square baking dish. It’s heavy and low enough that they can’t tip it over. They’re still clumsy enough that they put their weight on the edge of the dish. I recommend an 8x8 glass baking dish (2” deep) or something similar.

Most important!

• You’re the most entertaining thing your kitty sees all day. They love it when you play with them, talk to them and cuddle them.
  
  
• Listen to your kitties. They can't talk back, but they do understand you. They do try to communicate with you. Stay present with them and listen to what they’re trying to tell you.

Some great links:

• Mud Bay, an awesome pet store where I get Sassy Mouse.
  
  
• Humane Society tips on cat care
  
  
• About.com tips on caring for a new kitten

Help! Order these in the order of which is funniest. I'm working on a story and need your help! An old man is dying. He says:

1) I'm Joan Rivers without the facelifts.
2) I'm King Tut without the embalming.
3) I'm Dick Clark without the pact with Satan.

Or,

4) None of them are funny.

Okay, I've reached the age where gigolos stalk me on the internet. I received the following via MySpace, and I have to admit, this guy isn't the first, just the most... poetic.

Wow i wish i can kiss you with this pretty smile of your's cause you
look like an angel, your beauty is a gift by God from heaven and no one
can change it.sorry i need to introduce myself,i am [name removed],a Professional Model..I love
swimming,camping,hiking,dancing,going to beach's reading and written poems
whenever i am lonely at home, i am a christian and i don't do racism
cause i belief we are all created by One God almighty who see's us all
every minute of our lives no matter where we are, i don't mind your age
cause i belief its just a number which we can count from time to time i will stop here and await
to hear from you sweetie.

I remember a time when I was stalked by perverts because I was young and innocent, then stalked by horn dogs because I was ripe and single. All that has apparently passed, and while I'm not complaining about that, why does it have to be replaced by men who "don't mind your age."

Dang. Hehe.

Right around this time of year, an odd phenomenon starts to happen. Authors from all over begin talking up their Bram Stoker and Nebula-eligible work. The reason is that members of the appropriate organization nominate stories, then the membership votes on them.

Members of the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America (SFWA) vote for the Nebulas.

Members of the Horror Writers Association (HWA) vote for the Bram Stokers.

These awards are among the most coveted by writers because they're awarded by their peers.

If the org's members don't know that you have a piece that is eligible, they're less than likely to read it, much less nominate it or vote for it.

So, in the interest of service to the SFWA -- Okay, no. In blatant self-interest and self-promotion (hehe), I'm adding my list to the bevy of lists currently hitting the web on authors' blogs.

This year, I have four publications that qualify for awards.

FANTASY

• "Pipsqueak" -- a short urban fantasy story published in the Ravens in the Library anthology. This anthology is now sold out.

HORROR

• "Coquettrice" -- a short horror story published in the Vile Things: Extreme Deviations of Horror anthology. It has definite fantastic elements.
  
• "The Last Zombie" -- a short apocalyptic story published in Revenant Magazine, Issue #0.
  
• "Ardie Sue" -- a short horror story published in Sinister Tales, Volume 4.2.
  

My heart literally stopped this morning. I came into the kitchen and found a kitten lying still on the floor outside the enclosed kitten area. It was limp.

I picked it up very carefully, and after a moment, it started waking up.

I'm pretty sure I know what happened. I have boxes set around the enclosed area. This kitten climbed up on the box and either jumped or fell off the other side onto the hard tile. It must have hit its head and knocked itself out.

Scared the crap out of me!

Thank god it was okay. I watched it for a long while. It sat quietly for about a minute, then went back to playing like normal. I felt its little head for bumps, but I didn't feel any, and there was nothing leaking out anywhere.

After awhile, she joined the others at the nipple bar.

Needless to say, I doubled the height of the box, so she can't do that again!

I have a new understanding of the expression: "Curiosity killed the cat."

I still feel a little sick about it and can't get the sight of that kitten lying there limp on the tile out of my mind.